The YuYu Hakusho Awards Show
by PsyGirl07
Summary: What happens when you try to put together a simple show to give the Rekkai Tantei the credit they deserve? Absolute chaos. (Rated PG for mild language)
1. Opening Ceremony

The Yu Yu Hakusho Awards Show

The Opening Ceremony

((Dear readers, for some godforbidden reason, pulled my story off the site! Some (bastard!) person turned me in to the authorities and accused me of using "chat/script" formatting. I guess I --am-- guilty of this, but I mean, how the heck am I supposed to write a humor fic without butchering the English language first???))

((Therefore, I'm giving it another shot and I will see if it will last the night. Don't hurt me please! ::Whimpers::))

Disclaimer::

Aubrey: I do not own any of the characters in this story!!

Hiei: And yourself?

Aubrey: Um... I'm owned by uh... THEM!! ::Points in some random direction::

Kurama: Uh... I don't see anybody...

Aubrey: Maybe you don't... but I do. They talk to me... They tell what to type in fanfics.

Kurama: Right...

Hiei: We're all gonna die.

Aubrey: Hi!! Welcome to the Yu Yu Hakusho Awards Show! I'm your cute host, Aubrey!!

Yusuke: We already know that. It says so right before you spoke.

Aubrey: ::Looks at name:: Oh...

Yusuke: You're not cute either.

Aubrey: What?! DIE!!! ::Bites Yusuke::

Yusuke: Auughhhh!!! What if you had rabies?!

Aubrey: Rabies? That might be fun...

Kurama: (Whispers) Don't give her any ideas...

Aubrey: Well as I was saying, on this show we have several categories and we'll see which of you people fit into the category the best and take home the gold!

Kuwabara: Okay!! I'm gonna walk out with the most awards here today! Don't over exert yourself trying to beat me, since I have all the best characteristics in the group.

Everyone: . . . ::Sweatdrop::

Aubrey: Um... well, I guess I'll list off the contestants! We have...

Yusuke! ::Applause::

"Kurama!" ::Applause::

"Hiei!" ::Applause::

"Botan!" ::Applause::

"Koenma!" ::Applause::

"Yukina!" ::More applause::

"And Kuwabara!" ::Silence:: ::Someone coughs:: ::Crickets chirping in the background::

Botan: Um well, yes! All right everyone let's get this show on the road! I'm sure each of us will win at least one award!

Hiei: Hn. Except maybe ugly here.

Kuwabara: Ugly? Who's the ugly one? ::Glance glance:: Is it you Urameshi?

Yusuke: No you moron, it's YOU!

Kuwabara: What?! You little shrimp you're gonna pay for insulting my lovely face! SPIRIT SWORD!!!

Hiei: Heh, pathetic mortal. ::Slides into martial arts stance::

Aubrey: Please guys!! Not on stage!

Kurama: Now Hiei, you can kill the ningen later.

Hiei: ::Glares at Kurama:: Well it's YOUR fault for making me come here Kurama!

Kurama: Well it's just for fun...

Hiei: Does it look like I'm having fun?

Yukina: P-Please don't fight here guys... I – I just don't want... to see you fight... ::whimper::

Hiei: . . . . . . . . . . ::Frustrated sigh:: Fine.

Kurama: ::Smile::

Keiko: Wow. If only Yusuke was that obedient.

Aubrey: Now that we've settled down... a little... I'll start off the first category: "Cutest Couple." Our nominees for this section are:

Yusuke and Keiko

Kuwabara and Yukina

Botan and Koenma

And ... ::hestitates:: uh—Kurama and Hiei... ((Just to tell you, this is not a yaoi fanfic, I just like to make fun of them.))

Kurama/Hiei: WHAT?!?!

Yukina: Wow I've never heard Kurama yell that loud before...

Koenma: I think you're missing the point Yukina-chan.

::Hiei and Kurama both grab Aubrey's shirt shaking her violently.::

Kurama: What was that last pairing???

Hiei: How the hell did I get paired up with HIM?!

Aubrey: It wasn't' me I SWEAR!! I just read the cue cards, please don't take a leaf out of Alexander the Great's book!!

Yusuke: What's that about Alexander?

Keiko: Alexander the Great would chop off the heads of messengers who brought bad news.

Yusuke: Oh... bummer.

Kurama: Who, then, coupled us up??

Hiei: I don't care who it was. I say she dies now.

Aubrey: It wasn't me! It wasn't me! It was THEM!!! ::Points to audience::

Hiei: Hn?

Kurama: Wha--?

Hiei and Kurama turn around to see an audience full of screaming fangirlz with posters of Hiei and Kurama kissing, holding hands, etc., along with banners and signs reading "Hiei and Kurama 4-Ever", "Kurama X Hiei", "Gay guys are hot", and the like.

Hiei: ::Eye twitches:: ::Grabs sword::

Kurama: I'LL KILL THEM!! I'LL KILL THEM ALL!!!

Botan: Kurama's lost it. This must be a first.

Keiko: Must be a sign of the Apocalypse. The world's gonna end.

Aubrey: Security! Security!

Fangirlz: Look at the two! They're so cute together!

Kurama and Hiei are within 5 feet of eachother... the begin to inch away.

Fangirlz: Awwww... look how close they are together!! They're pratically making out! ::Gasp:: I suddenly feel inspired to write yaoi fanfiction and twisted shonen-ai poems!!

Kuwabara: What's ya-oi?

Koenma: Errr... um... ask Yukina.

Kuwabara: Yukina, what's ya-o-i?

Yukina: Uhhhh ::blush:: Errrr... ::blush:: L-l-l-look it up...

Kuwabara: OKAY!! I thought I saw a computer terminal in the office! ::Runs off::

Kurama: ROSE WHIP!!!!

Hiei: FISTS OF THE MORTAL FLAME!!!!

Fangirlz: Oh... They're so dreamy...

Guys in black suits with M-16's run up and tackle Hiei and Kurama to the ground.

Aubrey: It's about time you got here!!! ::Looks at the two demons:: Please wait until the results are in before you kill anyone guys!

Kurama: ::Trying to regulate his breathing:: Err—Well—Grr... Okay. I suppose—I suppose she's right...

Hiei: Fine. ::Throws men off of him and sheathes his sword:: But if we win someone will die.

Everyone: ::sweatdrop:: ::inches away from Hiei slowly::

Botan: ::Has attention focused on Koenma:: Funny how we got paired up together, eh, Koenma?

Koenma: I thought our relationship was strictly business!! How did all these websites appear anyway!! ::Scanning the internet on a miniature computer::

Kuwabara: ::Is puking his guts out in some bathroom stall:: Why the hell did Yukina tell me to look up yaoi??? That is so wrong!!

Okay guys I need your help for this next chapter!!! Please review and tell me which couple should win, Yusuke x Keiko, Kuwabara x Yukina, Botan x Koenma, or Kurama x Hiei. You could of course make up your own couples... ::mumble mumble:: But I'd prefer if you would just stick to the script! Okies!! The next chapter depends on your reviews!


	2. Kurama's Lost Sanity

Yu Yu Hakusho Awards Show

Chapter 2

Disclaimer:

Aubrey: Yu Yu Hakusho belongs to--

Koenma: ::Points:: Aubrey-chan!

Aubrey: ::Sees angry lawyers:: No no no!! It belongs to--

Hiei: The idiot ningen ::points to Aubrey::

::Lawyers pull out their evil sue-ing papers of doom::

Aubrey: Stop it guys!! It really truly belongs to--

Yusuke: Aubrey!! It belongs to Aubrey and her fox plushie!

::Lawyers glare at Aubrey and her fox plushie::

Aubrey: No-o-o-o-o-o-o!! Keep Kitsune-chan out of this!! ::Huggles fox plushie:: Yu Yu Hakusho--

Kurama: Does not belong to Aubrey-chan and never will.

::Lawyers smile, pack up their papers and leave::

Aubrey: Thank you, Kurama!! I really owe you one! Now to torment you in my fanfiction...

Kurama: Wha--? Oo

Aubrey: Omigosh, I've gotten so many positive reviews!! Thank you everyone, I feel so loved!!

Hiei: Hn. This must be a first.

Yusuke: I don't think you should get her angry--

Aubrey: What did you say Hiei?! DIE!!! ::Bites Hiei::

Hiei: ::Glare:: ::Tries to shake Aubrey off:: ::Shakes harder:: Dammit! Get off, baka!

Kurama: She has quite a tenacious bite, ne?

Hiei: She won't have a bite once her neck is severed! ::Brandishes katana::

Aubrey: Yeeeeeek!! Don't kill me!! ::Hides behind Kurama::

Kurama: . . . ----'

Aubrey: Uh... yes... Where was I? Oh that's right, reviewers!! Thank you for all your votes and positive imput! I don't know what would happen without you!

Botan: This chapter wouldn't exist that's for sure!

Aubrey: It would exist, it would just would focus on bugging the crap out of each of you.

Hiei: That's already happened.

::Everyone else nods in agreement::

Aubrey: ::Ignores them all:: So let's see here... ::shuffles through reviews:: Thank you Krys, Alexia Black1, Agent Dark Moose, anime-raven, Billy the Kangaroo--

Yusuke: What the-- there's a kangaroo in here?! ::Searches audience::

Kuwabara: Wild animal on the loose!!! Wild animal on the loose!!!

Yukina: Hey! Kangaroo's have feelings too! Don't discriminate against them!

Kuwabara: ::Gains composure:: Yeah, don't discriminate against them, Urameshi!

Aubrey: ::Sweatdrop:: Moving on... thank you FireNeko, sillyningengirl, Miny Mars, Hiei-Rulez--

Hiei: Hn, that's a fitting name. ::Smirk::

Aubrey: Uh, Hiei-Rulez, BlackDragonGirl--

Kuwabara: HEY!!! How come the shrimp gets a bunch of fans and I don't have ANY???

Everyone: Errrr...

Kuwabara: Well?

Hiei-Rulez: ::Holds up sign:: "You're a moron."

BlackDragonGirl: ::Unrolls banner:: "You're ugly."

Krys: ::Screams outloud:: You're too TALL!! ((She's 5'1"))

Kuwabara: What?! I'm the hottest guy on the planet!! If I'm not, then how could I get such a cute girlfriend?

Yukina: ::Whispers to Botan:: Kuwabara-kun has a girlfriend?

Botan: ::Sweatdrop:: Not anymore...

Koenma: Are you done with the thanks? It's been 2 1/2 pages already.

Aubrey: Keep your diapers on Koenma. ::Is hit by an oar:: AUUUGGHH!!!

Botan: ::Holding her oar defiantly:: You should have more respect for Koenma-sama!

Aubrey: ::Picking up her notecards, pouting:: I'm all most done-- and thank you RoseThorns and "I am Kurama."

Kurama: Wait, "I am Kurama?" Their name is "I am Kurama?"

Aubrey: ::Double Checks:: Um, yes? Why?

Kurama: How can I am Kurama be Kurama if I am Kurama?

::Long awkward silence follows as the audience tries to figure out what he just said::

Keiko: Okay, now I'm confused.

Botan: I second that!

Aubrey: You're right! One of you must be a FAKE Kurama!!

::Sound effects of glass shattering, woman screaming, record being scratched, car tires screeching, and dramatic horror music in the background::

Aubrey: ::Glances at DJ:: You overdid it a little.

Jin: Oh, sorry mate.

Kurama: Well obviously, I must be the real Kurama.

Yusuke: How can we be sure of that?

Keiko: Yeah, you were totally out of character when Aubrey-chan read the couples.

Kurama: Well that's because the pairing was totally absurd!

Kuwabara: ::Is still trying to figure out what Kurama said earlier::

Botan: I don't know... "I am Kurama" is being more specific about who they are...

Yukina: Maybe that means that "I am Kurama" is the REAL Kurama...

Koenma: So then just "Kurama" is an IMPOSTER!!

Kurama: WHAT?! Just because I don't have an "I am" in front of my name means that I'm not who I am?

Keiko: Basically.

Kuwabara: Noooooo! Not another weird phrase!

Kurama: What?? This is madness! Hiei, help me out here!

Hiei: ::Smirks:: No I'm finding the situation quite amusing.

Kurama: Nani??? ::Feeling so betrayed (in a non-gay way of course)::

Aubrey: Well, now that we've decided that Kurama is fake, we'll have to change his name!!

Kurama: My name??? You're going to change my name??

Aubrey: There we go! ::Holding sharpie::

Un-Kurama: O-om? ::Looks at name:: What th--?! UN-Kurama?!?!

Aubrey: Well, yeah, since your not Kurama anymore I had to change your name, and I was feeling uncreative so, yeah.

Un-Kurama: Everybody obviously has no sanity left!! I demand that this so called "I am Kurama" come to the stage immediately!

Aubrey: Well there you have it!! Will "I am Kurama" please step forward!

I am Kurama: ::Walks up:: Hey!

Un-Kurama: ::Glares at "I am Kurama" for stealing his name:: See? This is NOT Kurama! I am Kurama!!

Botan: I don't know...

Un-Kurama: Oh c'mon, she's a girl for pity's sake!

Yusuke: How do we know? You're pretty girly looking yourself Kura-- I mean, Un-Kurama.

Un-Kurama: Okay that was un-called for.

Yusuke: Errr, I mean, ANDROGYNOUS looking! Yes, androgynous!

Keiko: Wow, big words coming from Yusuke! To bad I didn't get that on tape!

Kuwabara: Yukina, what does "an-dro-gy-nous" mean?

Yukina: ::Sweatdrop:: Um, it means they have no specified gender.

Kuwabara: Oh... ::pause:: Oh! ::Finally gets it and begins laughing::

Un-Kurama: Well look at this person! ::Points to "I am Kurama":: Their hair doesn't flip up all weird and defy gravity!

Botan: Hey... you're right...

Koenma: Oh, okay. Well then they can't possibly be the real Kurama. "I am Kurama" is the fake then!

Un-Kurama: It's about time, sheesh.

Aubrey: Thanks for your cooperation "I am Kurama!"

I am Kurama: ::Sulks off stage:: I hardly got to talk at all...

Hiei: Well that was amusing. For a while.

Un-Kurama: Can I get my name back now?

Aubrey: No, it's more fun to watch you freak out about it.

Un-Kurama: Freak ou--?! Err... ::Takes a couple of deep breaths:: Now why would I do that? I'm going to take the situation in stride.

Aubrey: Okay you do that then.

Un-Kurama: ::Very frustrated::

Koenma: So are you going to read the results or what?

Yusuke: Yeah, I think I know who's going to win. ::Mischievous grin::

Keiko: ::Begins blushing madly as hair stands on end:: ::Slaps Yusuke:: Yusuke don't touch me there!!! ::Scowl::

Botan: Awwww, they're so cute!

Kuwabara: What about me and Yukina? Huh? Huh?

Yukina: Me and Kazuma??

Kuwabara: Hell yeah, baby!

Yukina: ::Has a shocked look on her face:: Oh okay...

Hiei: ::Twitch:: (Thinking) That bastard better not lay a finger on my sister...

Koenma: Well Aubrey?

Aubrey: Wait! The results won't be accurate unless I fix Kurama's name! ::Takes out sharpie and scribbles out the "Un-"::

-U-n--Kurama: Um, my name is still messed up.

Aubrey: ::Scribbles more::

Un-Kurama: This isn't helping.

Aubrey: No! I have it this time! ::Scribbles more::

[] - Kurama: Now I have a black box in front of my name.

Aubrey: AUGHHHHH!!! You'll never be happy will you!! Damned perfectionist!

[] - Kurama: ::Sweatdrop:: Did you just curse me?

Hiei: This is stupid. ::Walks up to Kurama and with one quick slash of his sword slices half of Kurama's name off.::

Aubrey: Thank you Hiei!! I am SOOOO glad that's over!

Kurama: ::Is examining his shirt:: Is this a tear?

Keiko: A what?

Kurama: IT IS!!! Hiei you tore my uniform!!!

Hiei: It's just a scratch.

Kurama: A scratch? You can see my white shirt underneath!! ((::Fangirlz sigh dreamily::)) I had to pay for this uniform with my own yen!

Yusuke: I can't believe all this is over Kurama's stupid pink shirt.

Botan: It's not pink.

Yusuke: Yes it is.

Botan: No it's not, my kimono's pink. Kurama's uniform isn't.

Yusuke: Okay Miss Technical, what color is it then?

Botan: Oh I don't know, purple maybe?

Keiko: It look's magenta to me.

Yukina: I think it leans more on the red side.

Kuwabara: No, it's green!

::Awkward pause::

Botan: I think someone's color blind... ::sweatdrop::

Kurama: Now I'm going to have to buy another one, or spend the evening stitching it or...

Kuwabara: Hey, Kurama is pretty girly isn't he?

Kurama: ::Glares at Kuwabara and then stomps off stage::

Aubrey: Wow, he's pissed. Hiei, this is all your fault!

Hiei: What? My fault?

Aubrey: Yeah! You're the one who cut up his uniform!

Hiei: I barely nicked him! Besides, you're the one changed his name!

Aubrey: But that was because we were having that issue with what to call him! ::Gasp:: I know, this is all "I am Kurama's" fault!!

Yusuke: Sure, blame it on you're reviewers. See if they'll ever comment again.

Aubrey: Omigosh, what have I done??? I'M SORRY "I AM KURAMA"!!! ::Throws pocky out into the audience to atone for her sins, but ends up knocking out some random guy::

Botan: This situation is getting worse and worse.

Kurama: ::Returns wearing the outfit that he wore during the arena fights:: Okay where were we?

Aubrey: Oh good! Kurama's not pissed anymore!

Koenma: So can we get on with the results all ready?

Aubrey: Results? Results of what?

::Everyone face faults::

Yusuke: The cutest couple category!!! You know, what everyone's been voting on?

Aubrey: Oh yeah! I'll do it later.

::Everyone face faults again::

Botan: Later? Why???

Aubrey: It's 11 pm and I'm sleepy. Besides, it's been 8 pages worth of writing and it's time for a commercial break!

Kuwabara: How long will that last?

Aubrey: I don't know... a couple of days maybe? ::Curls up and goes to sleep on the stage::

Aubrey is then mauled by angry readers.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Sorry you didn't get the results you all wanted so badly! I just started typing and I got so into what I was doing that I didn't notice how many pages I'd gone through until, like, now. But I promise the results next time!!

I hope I didn't totally throw you out of character "I am Kurama." Same thing goes for you "BlackDragonGirl" and "Hiei-Rulez." Since I really don't know you I can't really write about you that well, but I saw your names and just had to have fun with them!

I hope all you readers will review, you know I like it! (And if you post something cool or interesting I might just put you in my story!) I have lots of ideas for next time so stay tuned!


	3. What Couple?

Yu Yu Hakusho Awards Show

-Chapter 3-

What Couple?

I apologize to all the people who got confused over the re-posting of my fic. I tried to put this new chapter up a week ago, but for some reason all the asterisks disappeared! Do you know how hard it would be to have you read this thing without asterisks?!

So for your convenience I pulled the chapter off the fiction, but that put the title back into the update column anyway. It's okay if you're confused. I am too. The point you get it now. Woot.

And just to make things easier, I'm going to change all the asterisks into ::double colons:: now.

Aubrey: ::Gasp:: Can it be??? YES!!! Titles for the chapters!!!

Kurama: Well of course Aubrey-chan, you could have done that for the second chapter too...

Aubrey: You're RIGHT!! ::Looking wistful:: This is so... wonderful...

Kurama: You're so melodramatic...

Disclaimer:

Aubrey: All things Yu Yu belong ::Points:: ANIME-RAVEN!!!

Anime-raven: Wha--??

Aubrey: That's right! You're the lucky owner of the YYH series!

Anime-raven: ::Sees angry lawyers:: How the heck did I get wrapped up in all this?

Aubrey: Well, you were the first to put me on your "Favorites" list and the first to review for the last chapter!

Anime-raven: I get mobbed by angry lawyers just cause I'm FIRST???

Aubrey: Yup!

Anime-raven: ::Scowl:: Okay then... ::Grabs keyboard and mouse:: I'm taking you off my favorites...

Aubrey: What??? Wait a minute!!

Anime-raven: Nope, sorry. Taking you off favorites...

Aubrey: NOO-O!! I'm sorry!! All things related to Yu Yu Hakusho belong to Yoshihiro Togashi!

Aubrey: Welcome back to the Yu Yu Haku-- eh??

::The studio is completely empty::

Aubrey: What?! Where's my audience??? I can't run the show without an audience!! ::Glances about frantically and sees that the Rekkai Tantei are asleep:: NO-O!!!

Hiei: ::Stirs and opens one eye:: All that yelling is obnoxious.

Aubrey: Hiei-kun!! You're alive!! ::Glomps Hiei::

Hiei: ::Gag:: Of course I'm alive, baka!

Krys: ::Races up and hits Aubrey with a fan:: Get offa my Hiei!!!

Aubrey: Owwwww! ::Looks up:: OH!!! A reviewer has returned!! THANK YAMMA!!

Krys: ::Mumbles:: Just stay away from Hiei... ::Sits down::

Aubrey: I'm going to list off the reviewers okies? I can't promise each of you will make a big appearance in my fic, but I can least mention you here.

::Audience immediately returns in hopes of hearing their name::

Aubrey: Uh, okay, we have Anime-raven of course, Miny Mars, Mela, Lefty, netta1029-- new reviewers! Yay! Wait, Lefty you didn't review the first chapter!!

Lefty: FORGIVE ME! DON'T FEED ME TO THE EVIL KINDERGARTEN BRATS!

Aubrey: Wow, you-- uh, don't need to talk in all caps...

Lefty: I'M SORRY!!! I'M ON A SUGAR HIGH AND I CAN'T HELP IT!!!

Kurama: ::Groans and sits up:: What's all that yelling?

Aubrey: Do you know how many rules you're breaking by typing in all caps??? Well actually, there's only one: Don't type in all caps. But still! I may feed you to the kindergartners just for THAT!

Lefty: IF THEY EAT ME EVERYONE WILL BE DOOMED! DOOMED, I TELL YOU!

Aubrey: Doomed?

Lefty: MM-HM! I HAVE A WIFE AND THREE KIDS THAT NEED ME!!

Kurama: ::Sweatdrop:: Really?

Lefty: No.

Aubrey: Well since you finally stopped speaking in capitals I'll let you go...

Lefty: THANK YOU!!!

Aubrey: ::Scowl:: Okay where was I? Oh yes, reviewers. We have netta1029, Lover of the romantic sol, aqua-flames, hiei-the-fliei--

Hiei: Great. So now I have a baka flea named after me.

Aubrey: No! Not flea, "fliei"! You know, "flee-ay?"

Hiei: ::Glares at hiei-the-fliei:: Great, now I have a baka ningen named after me.

Aubrey: Moving on... thank you RoseThorns, Krys, Alexia Black1, Billy the Kangaroo, and foxyboykurama--

Kurama: What?! ANOTHER person's stolen my name?!

Aubrey: Uhhhh, maybe...

Kurama: This is madness!

Aubrey: Pipe down and wake up Yusuke. Thank you Kitsune Kit, I am Kurama, Krys, Pyrinsomniac, GodessofKoorime, Angel Iris, Yu Yu Fan, and Nella! I think that's it...

Yusuke: ::Yawns and stretches:: Ow, my back hurts from sleeping on the stage... ::Grunts::

Aubrey: Oh yeah! And ...:::'''Special Thanks''':::... to the people who've added my onto their favorites or author alert lists! See? I've even dolled up the word "special" to prove it's significance!

Yusuke: ::Cocks an eyebrow:: Significance?

Aubrey: Yeah! Significance! When I see all these nice reviews and people who even put my on their special lists so that they'll remember my I feel all warm and fuzzy inside! ::Smiles cheerfully::

Hiei: Hn. Like you swallowed a cat?

Aubrey: Yeah, like I swall-- HEY!! That wasn't funny!!

Hiei: You're right. It was hilarious.

Aubrey: ::Grabs the fan-of-death and races forward, attempting to beat Hiei mercilessly with it::

::Hiei of course dodges smoothly, reaching for his sword.::

Yukina: ::Blinks a couple of times:: ::Sees Hiei smirking evilly as he draws his katana:: Oh please you guys... don't fight... not now... please... ::whimper:: ::Tears flow off face and bounce around on the ground::

Aubrey: Look you made her cry, Hiei!

Hiei: Wha--?? Me? ::Glares and sheathes sword:: Just read the rest of your damn list.

Kurama: ::Shifty eyes:: ::Begins to sneak tear gems into his pockets::

Aubrey: I'd love too! The ones who put me on their favorites/author alert lists are: anime-raven, Lover of the romantic sol, Alexia Black1, I am Kurama, RoseThorns, foxyboykurama, GoddessofKoorime, and Watakushi-- uh, Watakushiwagi-- ummmm...

Yusuke: Oh Yamma, what is it now???

Aubrey: This name!! It's so long and Japanese-ish! I used to think names like "Kuwabara" and "Urameshi" were long, but this is... this is really really long!!

Kurama: It can't possibly be that long ::Strides over:: ::Snatches away notecard:: Let's see: Wataku-- Watakushiwagi-- Wa-ta-ku-shi-wa-gin-no-ki-tsu-ne-ai-su-ru...

Yusuke: That's their name?

Hiei: I don't think even a demon could remember all that.

Aubrey: I don't even speak Japanese! ::Pouts:: But thank you anyway Wataku-whatever.

Yukina: ::Searches the floor:: What happened to my tear gems?

Kurama: ::Whistles innocently::

Botan: ::Bounces up:: You shouldn't be so rude to your reviewers you know, they just might abandon you.

Kuwabara: ::Snorts and awakens:: Hey, uh, what'd I miss?

Yusuke: Not much. Just the thank you's.

Kuwabara: Oh okay. ::Picks nose::

Keiko: Ewwww... that's so gross Kuwabara!

Kuwabara: Treat me with more respect! I've just had an "awakening!"

Aubrey: ::Is kicking herself for using that word::

Yukina: Um, Aubrey-chan? What are you doing?

Aubrey: Well I was TRYING to kick myself, but it's becoming increasingly difficult...

Yukina: ::Sweatdrop::

Koenma: Hey Aubrey! Didn't you promise us the results from that last category??

Aubrey: Oh yeah! I did say something like that, ne? Well maybe I'll added it in the next chapter.

::Audience grabs their lynching ropes and torches::

Aubrey: KIDDING!! ::Sweatdropping profusely:: I'm kidding, okay, gosh!

Hiei: ::Scowls:: Damn, I was going to enjoy that.

Aubrey: All right, the polls were closed the votes were counted and the winners for the cutest couple are -- drum roll please -- ::pauses for a moment just to frustrate her readers::

GENKAI AND SHISHI WAKAMARU!!!

::Long empty silence:: ::Crickets chirping::

Koenma: They weren't even candidates.

Aubrey: Well now they are!!

Botan: What?! You can't do that!

Aubrey: Of course I can! I'm the authoress! I can do whatever I damn well please!

Kurama: Including using the word "authoress?" It's not even a real word according to the spell checker.

Aubrey: Yes that's right! And I can do this too! ::Giant portal appears:: ::Reaches in and pulls out a certain pink haired old woman and a hot samurai guy with blue hair::

Genkai: ::Glances about looking disoriented:: Dammit, what's going on? I was just enjoying my afterlife when--

Yusuke: GENKAI!!! You're back!

Genkai: Oh, it's you. Stupid apprentice, are you the one who dragged me back here to earth? Or was it you Botan?

Botan: No, it's that spastic girl over there. ::Points::

Aubrey: YO!!!! ::Waves enthusiastically::

Genkai: Could it be? Someone more obnoxious than my stupid apprentice?

Yusuke: Dangit Genkai, I have a name you know.

Shishi: What? Where am I? What's going on??? ::Sees the audience of fangirlz:: ::Quickly changes demeanor and makes a sweeping bow:: Oh hello ladies. ::Sweeps hair back dramatically:: Can I help you?

Aubrey: ::Pulls back on Shishi's collar:: Sorry Shishi, you're no longer single!

Shishi: What th-- I'm not???

Aubrey: Nope! You've been officially paired with your one true love, Genkai!

Genkai: What?!

Shishi: What?! But I only liked her when she was young and pretty!

Genkai: ::Eye twitches:: And he's an asshole! Besides, aren't we dead??

Aubrey: You were... but thanks to my amazing authorezz skillz, I've brought you back so that you can win this Cutest Couple competition!

Kurama: Will you please stop putting "Z" instead of "S"?

Aubrey: ::Ignores Kurama:: So you win a romantic getaway to--

Genkai: Look, I don't want to be coupled cutely, and I don't want any getaway's unless it's back to the Rekkai. So take me back, dammit.

Shishi: I usually don't hit girls, but for you... ::Draws evil sword:: I suppose I'll make an exception.

Aubrey: Oh c'mon you don't want to do that...

Hiei: No, I think they really do.

Shishi: SHI NE!!!! ::Slice hack slash::((For those of you who don't have any l337 Japanese speaking skillz, that translates to "die".))

Aubrey: ACK!! ACK!! HELP!! HE'S KILLING ME!!!

Koenma: I think that was his objective there, Aubrey.

Aubrey: Okay okay fine! ::Sends Shishi and Genkai back to heaven or hell or whatever.::

Kuwabara: So... who's the winner?

Aubrey: ::Bandaging sword wounds:: Winner?

Koenma: Yeah, winner. It wasn't those two was it?

Aubrey: No way. I just summoned them to make my readers laugh. You laughed, right?

::Audience glares angrily at Aubrey::

RoseThorns: Give us the results already, slacker!!

Aubrey: ::Timidly:: But are you sure you really want to hear them?

Audience: YES!!!

Aubrey: R-really?

Audience: ::Grabs large heavy rocks::

Aubrey: Okay okay okay okay okay!! The real winner of the Cutest Couple competition is --

Hiei and Kurama!!!

::Aubrey hides under her desk and whimpers::

Kurama: You've got to be kiddi--

Hiei: That's it someone dies.

Yusuke: No no, that's not necessary. ::Points to audience::

Miny Mars: DEATH TO YAOI LOVING FANGIRLS!!!

::Fangirls run and scream as Miny Mars swings around a _very_ heavy and _very_ sharp looking sword::

Yusuke: Aubrey, this had better not be another joke!!

Aubrey: Do you really think I'd want to start such pandemonium?

Keiko: Yes. And why haven't I said anything for 66 lines??? Nobody appreciates me!

Kuwabara: ::Shaking Aubrey:: There must be some mistake!

Aubrey: No there's no mistake! ::Pulls down giant bar graph:: Here's the breakdown:

Hiei x Kurama : 7 votes

Yusuke x Keiko : 4 votes

Koenma x Botan : 3 votes

Kuwabara x Yukina : 1 vote

Aubrey: And then there was some that weren't even on the list such as Kurama x Botan, Kuwabara x Botan, and Yusuke x Hiei!!

Yusuke: What the he--?! I'm the straightest damn guy here!! How the heck did I get paired up with _Hiei_?!?!

Hiei: Why am I being passed around between all the guys? I'm not gay in any way, shape, or form!

Kurama: Me and Botan? But I hardly know Botan, let alone--

Kuwabara: I know I had a crush on Botan earlier, but now I have a much better girlfriend!

Botan: What's up with sticking me with everyone, ne? I like Koenma oka-- ::Stops short and blushes:: ::Looks angry and hits Aubrey with her oar::

Aubrey: It wasn't me it wasn't me! It's the reviewers fault blame them!!

Koenma: Aubrey, there doesn't seem to be much of an audience left...

::Reviewers are all attacking each other with their weapons of choice::

Yukina: All that violence... it's so... sad!! Waaahhhh!! ::Cries again and tears bounce around on the floor:: Make them stop!!

Keiko: It's okay, Yukina, it's okay...

Kurama: ::Puts more tear gems in his pocket when no one's looking::

Aubrey: ::Grabs chalkboard in one hand and microphone in the other:: Stop it you guys!! ::Scrapes nails against the chalkboard::

::Audience immediately drops their weapons, covering their ears::

Aubrey: Thank you. So Hiei and Kurama win. Nothing I can do about it. So what do you guys have to say? ::Hands microphone to Kurama::

Kurama: Normally I would go on some out-of-character killing spree, but I'm taking it in stride. After going online I've realized that this isn't to uncommon... as terribly ridiculous and wrong it is.

Aubrey: Hiei what do you have to say?

Hiei: [[The following phrase has been cut out due to the profanity being too strong for a PG rated fanfiction.]]

Everyone: Oo

Aubrey: ::Cough:: Thank you for your thoughts Hiei... ::A bit wierded out::

So what did you think? Good? Bad? Tell me in your reviews! I'm also needing some more category ideas so if you could help with that it would be great!! Thank you thank you thank you! ::Bows::


	4. Gay Accusations

Yu-Yu Hakusho Awards Show

-Chapter Four-

Gay Accusations

Noooooo!! Agent Dark Moose just informed me that asterisks will no longer work on , as well as some other symbols. ::cries::. Due to this unfortunate event actions will be separated with the ::double colon:: Thank you for understanding.

------------------------------------ ((This is a page break.))

Aubrey: The disclaimer says, "Yu Yu Hakusho does not belong to me!" If it did, I would might be beaten to death with federal papers because I don't update fast enough. And because it I don't update I will be beaten to death with large heavy objects instead. ::Hides behind a spork wimpering.::

Audience: ::Sits there waiting patiently, twiddling their thumbs.::

Aubrey: ::Looks up slowly:: Wha--?? You're not going to beat me to death for not updating in months?? Wow!! My reviewers are so understanding!! ::bubbly shoujo eyes:: Just for that, I will post TWO chapters this time, and I'll repost chapter three so that it's easier to read!

Hiei: Stop acting. We all know you'll never get around to doing something like that.

Aubrey: ::Grins wildly for a while until she realizes he's right.:: Oh yeah.

Kurama: You might want to finish the disclaimer, Aubrey-chan.

Aubrey: I did finish the disclaimer! See??? ::Points up:: I quote: "Yu Yu Hakusho does not belong to me!" See, I kept it nice and short this time.

Yusuke: But you stole some lines from other sites, remember?

Aubrey: Oh yeah... " does not belong to me either, for any of you guys who noticed the quote...

Yuki Shinomouri: ::Stands up waving banner.:: YEAH!!! Strongbad rocks!! Wahooo!!

Aubrey: Amen!! ::Attempts to highfive, but instead falls into the audience::

FireNeko: Ack! Ack! Your stepping on me!!

Aubrey: Gaaahhhh!!! I'm drowning in a sea of people!! I can't swim, help!!

Keiko: Shouldn't we help her Yusuke?

Yusuke: Nah, leave her be. She deserves it after making us wait three frickin' months.

Hiei: Moron.

Aubrey: Welcome to the Yu Yu Hakusho Awards show! Here we hav-- ACKKKKK!!! ::is crushed under an avalanche of papers.::

Koenma: Aubrey! Those aren't my official Rekkai documents are they?

Aubrey: No, no! They're all reviews! I should have never asked for help with the categories...

Botan: Categories? Oh do tell, do tell!

Aubrey: ::Crawls away from the letters.:: Well, I'm not going to tell you what we're going to do, but instead I'll tell you what we most definitely will not do. Such as:

"Cutest Yuri Couple."

::Girls all run screaming from each other.::

Aubrey: I can deal will yaoi, but, sorry Colhan3000, I could never do yuri.

Yukina: ::Whimper:: Please, I like humans, and Keiko and Botan are nice people but I don't like them --that-- way...

Keiko: I like Yusuke! I'm straight! I swear I'm straight!

Botan: ::Draws a circle around her.:: This is now officially a girl free zone!!

Hiei: Now they know what I feel like. I hate you people.

Kurama: It's so sad how fangirls can break a simple platonic friendship apart...

Aubrey: Ahem. Yes. Anyway. Another one I'm not planning on using is:

"The Best Voice Actor"

This is simply because I have not seen the Japanese version and it would be unfair to my poor readers. Sorry Agent Dark Moose! I love you anyway!

Agent Dark Moose: I'm not exactly sure how to respond to that last comment...

Alexia Black1: Then just don't say anything, I don't think she's taken her meds yet.

Yusuke: Well in Japanese I have kickass voice, and Kuwabara sounds about the same, Hiei's voice is low and cold, and Kurama's played by GURRRRL!!!

Kurama: Nooooo!!! That was classified information!

Yusuke: Mwahahahaha!!!

Yukina: Oh my, how embarrassing...

Kuwabara: I knew there was something queer about that guy! I knew it!

Kurama: I swear I'm not gay, I swear!

Hiei: Oh yeah, tell them that. ::Tilts his head back towards the audience of screaming girls.::

Ryuugitsune: Kyaaaa! That's so kawaii! You go Kurama-chan!

Kurama: ::Puts a bag over his head.:: I can never go out in public again... ::Slinks off.::

Aubrey: No way, Kurama!! You have to stay!! Security!!

::The same men from chapter 1 in black suits with M-16's run up and tackle Kurama.::

Kurama: Gaaaahhhh!!!

Kevin3485: Excuse me, but if they have M-16's, why did they need to tackle Kurama?

Aubrey: ::Opens her mouth to say something, but pauses.:: Errr... because M-16's are really spiffy? Um... Anyhoo, the other couple of ones that won't be used are:

"Most Spiritual"

"Best Singer"

"Best Instrument Player" and

"Best Kisser"

Aubrey: Sorry Youko/Kurama's Rose, but, I mean, have we really seen much kissing, singing, instrument playing, or spiritual activities really? I mean, seriously...

Keiko: ::Waves her hand in the air:: I kissed Yusuke once!

Aubrey: "Once." That's exactly my point. And he was comatose to boot.

Yusuke: I can fix that. ::Grabs Keiko, tipping her back and kissing her::

Keiko: Mnnn! ::Shoves him away::

Yusuke: Hey Keiko, cut it out! ::Drops Keiko::

Keiko: ::Lands on the floor with a thud::

Botan: Well, I must say that went well. ::sweatdrop::

Koenma: ::Applauds:: What bravery! What talent! What--

Keiko: --Stupidity! I hate you Yusuke!! ::Turns her back to him sharply::

Yusuke: Aw, snap.

Aubrey: Now moving on to other subjects...

Kuwabara: Hey, didn't they say "instrument playing?" I play a mad shiny kazoo!

Hiei: Kazoo. You play a kazoo.

Kuwabara: Yesh, a --shiny-- kazoo. Didn't you hear me?

Hiei: That wasn't a question, you idiot.

Keiko: I play the maracas! An old Mexican guru taught me!

Aubrey: ::Knuckles her head:: Oh for Yamma's sake...

Yusuke: Well I can play the zailuhfone!

Kurama: ::Lifts the bag slowly up over his eyes:: You spelled it wrong.

Yusuke: Ziilafone. Zylofone. Zeelefone. Zahlufohn...

Kurama: It has an "P" in it. And an "X."

Krys: X, X, X!!! X/1999! Teh Kamui!!

Aubrey: Aw, crap. Now I'm going to have to add in another disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I do not own X/1999 or Kamui.

Yusuke: An X?? Where the heck does the X go???

Krys: X/1999!!!

Hiei: Damn, will someone shut her up??

Krys: Kamui! Fuuma! Kamui! Fuuuuu-maaaaah!! ::Bounce bounce::

Disclaimer: ...Or Fuuma.

Hiei: I said shut up! ::Draws sword::

Kurama: No Hiei, don't do it! ::Lunges after Hiei, wraps arms around Hiei's shoulders::

Hiei: Dammit, Kurama let go of me!

Hiei's Fiancee: Kurama's hugging Hiei! That's so adorable! ::Sighs::

Koenma: Woah. This is coming from someone named "Hiei's Fiancee?"

Botan: I saw this on a soap opera once! Hiei's having an affair!!

Hiei: Get off me you filthy fox! ::Struggles.::

Kurama: Can't.

Hiei: Why not?

Kurama: My hands are handcuffed. ::Sweat sweat sweat::

Hiei: How the HELL did they get handcuffed?!?!

Kurama: I don't know! ::Cries::

Aubrey: Heh heh... this is making a great chapter... ::Puts the handcuff's key in her pocket::

Keiko: Eww, he's so gay...

Kurama: I am not! ::Freaks out::

Hiei: ::Begins chewing on the handcuffs::

Yusuke: So it has an "X" and a "P" in itm eh? Xzailophone? Zxiilaphone?

Kurama: ARGH! Hiei that was my hand!

Hiei: Shuh' uh, Choo-wa-mah... ::Growl gnaw bite:: (Shut up, Kurama...)

Kurama: Errm, what was that?

Hiei: I sheh': "Shuh uh, Choo-wa-mah!!!" ::Chew nibble scratch::

Kurama: Argh! My hands!!!

Aubrey: Must... resist... inside joke...

Yusuke: ::Is flipping through dictionary:: "Xerophyte," "Xerosere," "Xerosis," "Xerox," "Xiphisternum," "Xiphoid," "Xiphosuran..." ((Yes, those are real words. Go ahead and look them up.))

Kuwabara: ::Eyes widen:: Oh no, this isn't one of those "yaoi" things... is it???

Keiko: And he's finally realizing it.

Botan: I dunno, it seems sorta cute to me...

Kurama: Hiei you're eating my fingers!!

Hiei: Ahm noh!! (Am not!!)

Kurama: I still can't underst-- Yaaagh!! You have fangs!

Hiei: No shih, Sherloh...

Yusuke: "Xylography," "Xyloid," "Xylol," "Xylophagous..." AHA!! Here it is! "Xylophone!!!" What a weird spelling... it has a "Y" in it too...

Hiei: ::Finally manages to munch through the handcuffs:: There! Now get off of me!! ::Shoves Kurama over::

Kurama: AAAAIIIIEEEEE!!! Hiei you ate my fingers!!!

Hiei: No I didn't. They're just bloodier than usual.

Koenma: That sure was slow Hiei, I mean, for a B class demon and all...

Hiei: I am not a B class!!

Kurama: Does any one have any bandages, or antiseptic?

Koenma: Oh yesh you are, because I said so.

Hiei: Damn.

Yusuke: I'm A class!

Kuwabara: I'm C class!

Aubrey: And I'm Sophomore class!

Everyone: ::Blink blink::

Aubrey: Oh... Well I thought it was funny... I'm losing my writer's touch! I don't deserve to live! I shall commit seppuku right now! ::Grabs knife and prepares to stab herself with it.::

Yukina: Um, I'm F class, I think...

Botan: Oh I'm sure you're really an E class. I think --I'm-- in the F class.

Kurama: ::Bandaging fingers:: I think I'm a B class like Hiei...

Kuwabara: I'm C class!

Hiei: You've already said that. And I'm sure I'm at least A class.

Aubrey: No one cares whether I die or not?

Koenma: I do.

Aubrey: You do? REALLY???

Koenma: Why of course. A ghost like yours running amuck in the Rekkai? That would cause even more paperwork in my office. Not to mention all of your reviewer's flames would be forwarded straight to me.

Aubrey: Arghh... ::Snaps fingers:: Oh I've got it. ::Cups hands around her mouth:: And now to announce the next category!!

Botan: Omigosh the next category? Oh I do hope I'm in it!

Various Audience Members: I really hope she picked mine!

Hiei: Oh great, another category. Just when I thought I could bust out of this joint...

Aubrey: The category is... "The Biggest Softie at Heart!"

Kuwabara: What? That's not a category! What the heck are you planning on doing with something like that?

Aubrey: Why isn't it obvious? Everyone's got a soft side, and we're voting on who's really got the biggest heart of us all...

Yusuke: Wow, Aubrey. That sounded so incredibly hippie it's not even funny. At all.

Aubrey: ::Decides to ignore him:: Okay then! The nominees are:

"Kuwabara!" He may put on a tough ugly front, but he just loves little kitties!

"Yusuke!" Is known for being the baddest little punk in highschool, yet he's willing to sacrifice himself for a little boy!

"Kurama!" He's really a notorious foxy thief, but he loves his mommy more than any of you people ever will!

And finally, "Hiei!" Even though he's always mouthing off and brooding coldly in the corner, he'll do anything for his little sist--

Hiei: ::Clutches sword and glares daggers at Aubrey::

Aubrey: ::Sweatdrop:: Sih-sih-sihhhh...

Kuwabara: Yeah? What is it?

Aubrey: S-s-sinister desire for bloodshed! Ah, yes... ha ha ha... ::sweat sweat sweat::

Kuwabara: How'd --that-- get him on the "biggest softie" list??

Aubrey: Um, because there was the word "desire" in it?

Yukina: But bloodshed is a bad thing... right?

Kurama/Yusuke/Botan/Koenma: ::Sweatdrop::

Hiei: Yes, yes it is. ::Angst::

Yukina: Why then did you--

Aubrey: Oh wow! Look at the time, looks like we'll have to go to another commercial break! Okay all you readers! Make sure you review, and vote! Curtain call!

Okay, sorry sorry sorry that I didn't put you readers back into the story, but I thought that it was beginning to take away from the Rekkai Tantei. Now I'll only put in readers if it's convienient, and they have a goofy (but not over the top) personality.


End file.
